The short version of my question is: How can I idiomatically ask a Russian to talk quietly, regain his composure and calmness, stop being emotionally intrusive and domineering, and think in terms of rational arguments rather than emotions? My experience shows that Russians can easily raise their voices and become emotional, even in public places. I want a magic phrase that instantly stops such behavior. I want something like the Mongolian proverb "A bad person's voice is loud."
The rest of my post is not essential, so you can just skip the rest and answer the short version, but if you are curious about my motivation to ask this question, then read on.
I recently read an excellent article "10 Proverbs That Will Help You Understand the Mongolian Mindset" by Natso Baatarkhuu, and here is a proverb from that article:
A bad person's voice is loud (Муу хүний дуу чанга)
This might be something you notice right away–most Mongolians talk quietly, with little inflection. That can partly be attributed to this proverb. Loud conversation style with a high pitch is considered immature and evil. Talking softly and with little intonation can balance the idiosyncrasy of our language, which is lots of rough consonants at the base of the throat. When we think of a bad person with a loud voice, Adolf Hitler on a podium comes to mind.
My experience of watching some Russian movies and talking with Russian academic visitors at my university is that Russians can easily get emotional and raise their voices, at least by the standards of my culture. When Russians do so, they appear to lose their composure and to have little self-control. When I see this, I cringe inside because I hate seeing how others lose face.
For example, I watched the Russian movie "Место встречи изменить нельзя" with English subtitles (link) and was astonished by the behavior of Gleb Zheglov, who is one of the main positive characters of the movie. Despite being the head of a police department, he lost his face quite a few times, raising his voice and becoming a slave of his emotions. Here is an example: Scene.
I also noticed that Russians do not hesitate to talk loudly in public places, whilst for us it is considered rude to even talk on the phone in public transport.
I discussed these things with a Russian academic visitor, and he opined that it is rather a cultural thing. He sees raising voice and becoming emotional as a way of demonstrating sincerity, since emotions are difficult to fake. To explain this, he used the expression "to open the soul." He said that such behavior is not seen as a loss of face in the Russian culture. He even said that at worst, a man who raises his voice is seen as a domineering macho rather than a weakling who has little self-control.
I am not saying that all my compatriots always talk calmly and have utmost composure, and can show you a famous scene from our own movie, yet there seems to be a big difference in the frequency of emotional outbreaks and their overall perception.
Whatever the Russian cultural standards are, I myself do not tolerate such behavior for many reasons.
